Sirelli [eagerly].
Well?
Agazzi. Nothing!
Absolutely nothing!
Sirelli. Nothing at
all?
Agazzi. You see the
whole blamed village was
wiped out. Not a house left
standing! In the collapse of
the town hall, followed by a
fire, all the records of the
place seem to have been lost
-- births, deaths, marriages,
everything.
Sirelli. But not
everybody was killed. They
ought to be able to find
somebody who knows them.
Agazzi. Yes, but you
see they didn't rebuild the
place. Everybody moved away,
and no record was ever kept
of the people, of course. So
far they have found nobody
who knows the Ponzas. To be
sure, if the police really
went at it, they might find
somebody; but it would be a
tough job.
Sirelli. So we can't
get anywhere along that
line! We have got to take
what they say and let it go
at that.
Agazzi. That,
unfortunately, is the
situation.
Laudisi [rising].
Well, you fellows take a
piece of advice from me:
believe them both!
Agazzi. What do you
mean -- "believe them both"?
. . .
Sirelli. But if she
says one thing, and he says
another . . .
Laudisi. Well, in
that case, you needn't
believe either of them!
Sirelli. Oh, you're
just joking. We may not be
able to verify the stories;
but that doesn't prove that
either one or the other may
not be telling the truth.
Some document or other . . .
Laudisi. Oh,
documents! Documents!
Suppose you had them? What
good would they do you?
Agazzi. Oh, I say!
Perhaps we can't get them
now, but there were such
documents once. If the old
lady is mad, there was, as
there still may be
somewhere, the death
certificate of the daughter.
Or look at it from the other
angle: if we found all the
records, and the death
certificate were not there
for the simple reason that
it never existed, why then,
it's Ponza, the son-in-law.
He would be mad.
Sirelli. You mean to
say you wouldn't give in if
we stuck that certificate
under your nose tomorrow or
the next day? Would you
still deny . . .
Laudisi. Deny? Why .
. . why . . . I'm not
denying anything! In fact,
I'm very careful not to be
denying anything. You're the
people who are looking up
the records to be able to
affirm or deny something.
Personally, I don't give a
rap for the documents for
the truth in my eyes is not
in them but in the mind. And
into their minds I can they
say to me of themselves.
Sirelli. Very well --
She says he's mad and he
says she's mad. Now one of
them must be mad. You can't
get away from that. Well
which is it, she or he?
Agazzi. There, that's
the way to put it!
Laudisi. But just
observe; in the first place,
it isn't true that they are
accusing each other of
madness. Ponza, to be sure,
says his mother-in-law is
mad. She denies this. not
only of herself, but also of
him. At the most, she says
that he was a little off
once, when they took her
daughter from him; but that
now he is quite all right.
Sirelli. I see! So
you're rather inclined, as I
am, to trust what the old
lady says.
Agazzi. The fact is,
indeed, that if you accept
his story, all the facts in
the case are explained.
Laudisi. But all the
facts in the case are
explained if you take her
story, aren't they?
Sirelli. Oh,
nonsense! In that case
neither of them would be
mad! Why, one of them must
be, damn it all!
Laudisi. Well, which
one? You can't tell, can
you? Neither can anybody
else! And it is not because
those documents you are
looking for have been
destroyed in an accident --
a fire, an earthquake --
what ou will; but because
those people have concealed
those documen in themselves,
in their own souls. Can't
you understand that? She has
created tor him, or he for
her, a world of fancy which
has all the earmarks of
reality itself. And in this
fictitious reality they get
along perfectly well, and in
full accord with each other;
and this world of fancy,
this reality of theirs, no
document can possibly
destroy because the air they
breathe is of that world.
For them it is something
they can see with their
eyes, hear with their ears,
and touch with their
fingers. Oh, I grant you --
if you could get a death
certificate or a marriage
certificate or something of
the kind, you might be able
to satisfy that stupid
curiosity of yours.
Unfortunately, you can't get
it. And the result is that
you are in the extraordinary
fix of having before you, on
the one hand, a world of
fancy, and on the other, a
world of reality, and you,
for the life of you, are not
able to distinguish one from
the other.
Agazzi. Philosophy,
my dear boy, philosophy! And
I have no use for
philosophy. Give me facts,
if you please! Facts! So, I
say, keep at it; and I'll
bet you we get to the bottom
of it sooner or later.
Sirelli. First we got
her story and then we got
his; and then we got a new
one from her. Let's bring
the two of them together --
and you think that then we
won't be able to tell the
false from the true?
Laudisi. Well, bring
them together if you want
to! All I ask is permission
to laugh when you're
through.
Agazzi. Well, we'll
let you laugh all you want.
In the meantime let's see .
. . [He steps to the door
at the left and calls.]
Amalia, Signora Sirelli,
won't you come in here a
moment?
[The LADIES enter with
DINA.]
Signora Sirelli [catching
sight of LAUDISI and shaking
a finger at him]. But
how is it a man like you, in
the presence of such an
extraordinary situation, can
escape the curiosity we all
feel to get at the bottom of
this mystery? Why, I lie
awake nights thinking of it!
Agazzi. As your
husband says, that man's
impossible! Don't bother
about him, Signora Sirelli.
Laudisi. No, don't
bother with me; you just
listen to Agazzi! He'll keep
you from lying awake
tonight.
Agazzi. Look here,
ladies. This is what I want
-- I have an idea: won't you
just step across the hall to
Signora Frola's?
Amalia. But will she
come to the door?
Agazzi. Oh, I imagine
she will! Dina. We're just
returning the call, you see
. . .
Amalia. But didn't he
ask us not to call on his
mother-in-law? Hasn't he
forbidden her to receive
visits?
Sirelli. No, not
exactly! That's how he
explained what had happened;
but at that time nothing was
known. Now that the old
lady, through force of
circumstance, has spoken,
giving her version at least
of her strange conduct, I
should think that . . .
Signora Sirelli. I
have a feeling that she'll
be awfully glad to see us,
if for nothing else, for the
chance of talk. ing about
her daughter.
Dina. And she really
is a jolly old lady. There
is no doubt in my mind, not
the slightest: Ponza is mad!
Agazzi. Now, let's
not go too fast. You just
listen to me [He looks at
his wife.] -- don't stay
too long -- five or ten
minutes at the outside!
Sirelli [to his
wife]. And for heaven's
sake, keep your mouth shut!
Signora Sirelli. And
why such considerate advice
to me?
Sirelli. Once you get
going . . .
Dina [with the
idea of preventing a scene].
Oh, we are not going to stay
very long, ten minutes --
fifteen, at the outside.
I'll see that no breaks are
made. Agazzi. And I'll just
drop around to the office,
and be back at eleven
o'clock -- ten or twenty
minutes at the most.
Sirelli. And what can
I do?
Agazzi. Wait! [Turning
to the LADIES.] Now,
here's the plan! You people
invent some excuse or other
so as to get Signora Frola
in here.
Amalia. What? How can
we possibly do that? Agazzi.
Oh, find some excuse! You'll
think of something in the
course of your talk; and if
you don't, there's Dina and
Signora Sirelli. But when
you come back, you
understand, go into the
drawing room. [He steps
to the door on the left,
makes sure that it is wide
open, and draws aside the
portière.]. This door
must stay open, wide open,
so that we can hear you
talking from in here. Now,
here are some papers that I
ought to take with me to the
office. However, I forget
them here. It is a brief
that requires Ponza's
immediate personal
attention. So then, I forget
it . And when I get to the
office I have to bring him
back here to find them --
See?
Sirelli. But just a
moment. Where do I come in?
When am I expected to
appear?
Agazzi. Oh, yes! . .
. A moment or two after
eleven, -when the ladies are
again in the drawing room,
and I am back here, you just
drop in -- to take your wife
home, see? You ring the bell
and ask for me, and I'll
have you brought in here.
Then I'll invite the whole
crowd in! That's natural
enough, isn't it? -- into my
office? . . .
Laudisi [interrupting].
And we'll have the Truth,
the whole Truth with a
capital TI
Dina. But look,
uncle, of course we'll have
the truth -- once we get
them together face to face
-- capital T and all!
Agazzi. Don't get
into an argument with that
man. Besides, it's time you
ladies were going. None of
us has any too much leeway.
Signora Sirelli.
Come, Amalia, come Dina! And
as ,for you, sir [Turning
to LAUDISI.], I won't
even shake hands with you.
Laudisi. Permit me to
do it for you, madam. [He
shakes one hand with the
other.] Good luck to
you, my dear ladies.
[Exit DINA, AMALIA,
SIGNORA SIRELLI.]
Agazzi [to Sirelli].
And now we'd better go, too.
Suppose we hurry!
Sirelli. Yes, right
away. Goodbye, Lamberto!
Laudisi. Goodbye,
good luck, good luck! [AGAZZI
and SIRELLI leave. LAUDISI,
left alone, walks up and
down the study a number of
times, nodding his head and
occasionally smiling.
Finally he draws up in front
of the big mirror that is
hanging over the
mantelpiece. He sees himself
in the glass, stops, and
addresses his image.]
Laudisi. So there you
are! [He bows to himself
and salutes, touching his
forehead with his fingers.]
I say, old man, who is mad,
you or I? [He levels a
finger menacingly at his
image in the glass; and, of
course, the image in turn
levels a finger at him. As
he smiles, his image smiles.]
Of course, I understand! I
say it's you, and you say
it's me. You -- you are mad!
No? It's me? Very well! It's
me! Have it your way.
Between you and me, we get
along very well, don't we!
But the trouble is, others
don't think of you just as I
do; and that being the case,
old man, what a fix you're
in! As for me, I say that
here, right in front of you,
I can see myself with my
eyes and touch myself with
my fingers. But what are you
for other people? What are
you in their eyes? An image,
my dear sir, just an image
in the glass! They're all
carrying just such a phantom
around inside themselves,
and here they are racking
their brains about the
phantoms in other people;
and they think all that is
quite another thing!
[The BUTLER has entered
the room in time to catch
LAUDISI gesticulating at
himself in the glass. He
wonders if the man is crazy.
Finally he speaks up.]
Butler. Ahem! . . .
Signor Laudisi, if you
please . . . Laudisi [coming
to himself]. Uff!
Butler. Two ladies
calling, sir! Signora Cini
and another lady!
Laudisi. Calling to
see me?
Butler. Really, they
asked for the signora; but I
said that she was out -- on
a call next door; and then .
. .
Laudisi. Well, what
then?
Butler. They looked
at each other and said,
"Really! Really!" and
finally they asked me if
anybody else was at home.
Laudisi. And of
course you said that
everyone was out!
Butler. I said that
you were in!
Laudisi. Why, not at
all! I'm miles and miles
away! Perhaps that fellow
they call Laudisi is here!
Butler. I don't
understand, sir.
Laudisi. Why? You
think the Laudisi they know
is the Laudisi I am?
Butler. I don't
understand, sir.
Laudisi. Who are you
talking to?
Butler. Who am I
talking to? I thought I was
talking to you.
Laudisi. Are you
really sure the Laudisi you
are talking to is the
Laudisi the ladies want to
see?
Butler. Why, I think
so, sir. They said they were
looking for the brother of
Signora Agazzi.
Laudisi. Ah, in that
case you are right! [Turning
to the image in the glass.]
You are not the brother of
Signora Agazzi? No, it's me!
[To the BUTLER.]
Right you are! Tell them I
am in. And show them in
here, won't you?
[The BUTLER retires.]
Signora Cini. May I
come in?
Laudisi. Please,
please, this way, madam!
Signora Cini. I was
told Signora Agazzi was not
at home, and I brought
Signora Nenni along. Signora
Nenni is a friend of mine,
and she was most anxious to
make the acquaintance of . .
. Laudisi, . . . of Signora
Frola?
Signora Cini. Of
Signora Agazzi, your sister!
Laudisi. Oh, she will
be back very soon, and
Signora Frola will be here,
too.
Signora Cini. Yes, we
thought as much.
[SIGNORA NENNI is an
oldish woman of the type of
SIGNORA CINI, but with the
mannerisms of the latter
somewhat more pronounced.
She, too, is a bundle of
concentrated curiosity, but
of the sly, cautious type,
ready to find something
frightful under everything.]
Laudisi. Well, it's
all planned in advance! It
will be a most interesting
scene! The curtain rises at
eleven, precisely!
Signora Cini. Planned
in advance? What is planned
in advance?
Laudisi [mysteriously,
first with a gesture of his
finger and then aloud].
Why, bringing the two of
them together! [A gesture
of admiration.] Great
idea, I tell you!
Signora Cini. The two
of them -- together -- who?
Laudisi. Why, the two
of them. He -- in here! [Pointing
to the room about him.]
Signora Cini. Ponza,
you mean?
Laudisi. And she --
in there! [He points
toward the drawing room.]
Signora Cini. Signora
Frola?
Laudisi. Exactly! [With
an expressive gesture of his
hands and even more
mysteriously.] But
afterwards, all of them --
in here! Oh, a great idea, a
great idea!
Signora Cini. In
order to get . . .
Laudisi. The truth!
But it's already known: all
that remains is the
unmasking.
Signora Cini [with
the greatest surprise].
Oh, really? So they know the
truth! And which is it -- He
or she?
Laudisi. Well, I'll
tell you . . . you just
guess! Who do you think it
is?
Signora Cini [ahemming].
Well . . . I say . . .
really . . . you see . . .
Laudisi. Is it she or
is it he? You don't mean to
say you don't know! Come
now, give a guess!
Signora Cini. Why,
for my part I should say . .
. well, I'd say . . . it's
he.
Laudisi [looks at
her admiringly]. Right
you are! It is he!
Signora Cini. Really?
I always thought so! Of
course, it was perfectly
plain all along. It had to
be he!
Signora Nenni. All of
us women in town said it was
he. We always said so!
Signora Cini. But how
did you get at it? I suppose
Signor Agazzi ran down the
documents, didn't he -- the
birth certificate, or
something?
Signora Nenni.
Through the prefect, of
course! There was no getting
away from those people. Once
the police start
investigating . . .
Laudisi [motions
to them to come closer to
him; then in a low voice and
in the same mysterious
manner, and stressing each
syllable]. The
certificate! -- Of the
second marriage!
Signora Cini [starting
back with astonishment].
What?
Signora Nenni [likewise
taken aback]. What did
you say? The second
marriage?
Signora Cini. Well,
in that case he was right .
Laudisi. Oh,
documents, ladies,
documents! This certificate
of the second marriage, so
it seems, talks as plain as
day.
Signora Nenni. Well,
then, she is mad.
Laudisi. Right! She
must be, mustn't she?
Signora Cini. But I
thought you said . . .
Laudisi. Yes, I did
say . . . but this
certificate of the second
marriage may very well be,
as Signora Frola said, a
fictitious document, gotten
up through the influence of
Ponza's doctors and friends
to pamper him in the notion
that his wife was not his
first wife, but another
woman.
Signora Cini. But
it's a public document. You
mean to say a public
document can be a fraud?
Laudisi. I mean to
say -- well, it has just the
value that each of you
chooses to give it. For
instance, one could find
somewhere, possibly,
those_letters that Signora
Frola said she gets from her
daughter, who lets them down
in the basket in the
courtyard. There are such
letters, aren't there?
Signora Cini. Yes, of
course!
Laudisi. They are
documents, aren't they? Aren't
letters documents? But it
all depends on how you read
them. Here comes Ponza, and
he says they are just made
up to pamper his
mother-in-law in her
obsession . . .
Signora Cini. Oh,
dear, dear, so then we're
never sure about anything?
Laudisi. Never sure
about anything? Why not at
all, not at all! Let's be
exact. We are sure of many
things, aren't we? How many
days are there in the week?
Seven -- Sunday, Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday . . . How
many months in the year are
there? Twelve: January,
February, March . . .
Signora Cini. Oh, I
see, you're just joking!
You're just joking! [DINA
appears, breathless, in the
doorway, at the rear.]
Dina. Oh, uncle,
won't you please . . . [She
stops at the sight of
SIGNORA CINI.] Oh,
Signora Cini, you here?
Signora Cini. Why, I
just came to make a call! .
. . Laudisi, . . . with
Signora Cenni.
Signora Nenni. No, my
name is Nenni.
Laudisi. Oh yes,
pardon me! She was anxious
to make Signora Frola's
acquaintance . . .
Signora Nenni. Why,
not at all!
Signora Cini. He has
just been making fun of us!
You ought to see what fools
he made of us!
Dina. Oh, he's
perfectly insufferable, even
with mamma and me. Will you
excuse me for just a moment?
No, everything is all right.
I'll just run back and tell
mamma that you people are
here and I think that will
be enough. Oh, uncle, if you
had only heard her talk!
Why, she is a perfect dear,
and what a good, kind soul!
. . . She showed us all
those letters her daughter
wrote . . .
Signora Cini. Yes,
but as Signora Laudisi was
just saying . . .
Dina. He hasn't even
seen them!
Signora Nenni. You
mean they are not really
fictitous?
Dina. Fictitious
nothing! They talk as plain
as day. And such things! You
can't fool a mother when her
own daughter talks to her.
And you know -- the letter
she got yesterday! . . . [She
stops at the sound of voices
coming into the study from
the drawing room.] Oh,
here they are, here they
are, already! [She goes
to the door and peeps into
the room ]
Signora Cini [following
her to the door]. Is she
there, too?
Dina. Yes, but you
had better come into the
other room. All of us women
must be in the drawing room.
And it is just eleven
o'clock, uncle!
Amalia [entering
with decision from the door
on the left]. I think
this whole business is quite
unnecessary! We have
absolutely no further need
of proofs . . .
Dina. Quite so! I
thought of that myself. Why
bring Ponza here?
Amalia [taken
somewhat aback by SIGNORA
CINI's presence]. Oh, my
dear Signora Cini! . . .
Signora Cini [introducing
SIGNORA NENNI]. A friend
of mine, Signora Nenni! I
ventured to bring her with
me . . .
Amalia [bowing,
but somewhat coolly, to the
visitor]. A great
pleasure, Signora! [After
a pause.] There is not
the slightest doubt in the
world: . . . it's he!
Signora Cini. It's
he? Are you sure it's he?
Dina. And such a
trick on the poor old lady!
Amalia. Trick is not
the name for it! It's
downright dishonest!
Laudisi. Oh, I agree
with you: it's outrageous!
Quite! So much so, I'm quite
convinced it must be she!
Amalia. She? What do
you mean? How can you say
that?
Laudisi. I say, it is
she, it is she, it's she!
Amalia. Oh, I say! If
you had heard her talk . . .
Dina. It is
absolutely clear to us now.
Signora Cini and Signora
Nennin [swallowing].
Really? You are sure?
Laudisi. Exactly! Now
that you are sure it's he,
why, obviously -- it must be
she.
Dina. Oh dear me, why
talk to that man? He is just
impossible!
Amalia. Well, we must
go into the other room . . .
This way, if you please!